Sermon Cloud

Household of Faith Part 6

 MAKING A MARRIAGE STICK

 June is always considered the “Let’s Get Married Month.” I’m not so sure why, but with what I have gathered most people have preferred it because the weather is just perfect, not too cold or too hot, and it is easier to take a time off from work since it’s the beginning of summer. So being a minister who does weddings, I almost would expect that someone would get married every year. Last year I did a wedding for Pastor John and Liz, and I’m doing another wedding in a few days. Some of you can start planning for next year.

            Speaking of weddings, I always look forward for the wedding vows. The fact is: that’s really the most important part. All the rest could be considered trimmings. When I do weddings, I always discourage couples to read their vows because they don’t sound right, they sound so mechanical. I want the couples to be able to look at each other and say with all sincerity their promises of love and faithfulness to each other.  And then, I want the friends and loved ones present during the wedding to be able to listen to the hearts of the couple. I’m sure you’re all familiar with wedding vows. There may be some variations, but almost all should at least communicate this basic idea of a lifetime commitment. A typical vow would be worded like this:

 I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

            It is my hope and prayer that all of you who are married this morning are still consciously fulfilling the essence of this vow.  We should all be aware that when we made that promise, it was also a promise to God. He is holding us accountable for every word of it.

I believe this is where a Christian marriage ought to be different. There should always be a consciousness that it is not just a relationship between two individuals, God is very much involved in that marriage. He must be the head of the marriage, leading and guiding in order for the marriage to grow stronger and healthier. Of course, this doesn’t mean the Christian couple would not do anything; both are required to fulfill certain responsibilities as husbands and wives. Someone fittingly puts it, "Marriages may be made in heaven but the maintenance must be done on earth."

            As we continue with our theme, A Household of Faith, I would like us to study this text in Ephesians 4. Reading it, it is obvious that the apostle Paul wrote this to help the church relate to one another as one body.  However, when you look at verse 25, you see the phrase - we are all members of one body. This reality in not just true with the church, it is also true for a Christian marriage. We have seen last Sunday the truth about the “one flesh” marriage. Therefore, let’s study the text and discover some responsibilities we must fulfill so we can establish a marriage that would stick till death separates us:

 I           MAINTAIN YOUR HONESTY (v. 25)

            In order for the marriage to remain intimate and healthy a lot of trust is necessary, and trust will only be built when there is honesty. Verse 25 is a command to get rid of any kind of false hood. The word “put off” literally means to discard, or to strip off.  Prior to verse 25, Paul had already used the same phrase together with the phrase Put on.

Ephesians 4:22-24 (NIV)
²² You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;
²³ to be made new in the attitude of your minds;
²⁴ and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

                The big principle in the text is: once you become a believer, you have to discard or get rid of the old ways of life and exchange it with the new life from Christ. Paul follows the same principle in all these verses. For verse 25, you get rid of lying and exchange it with honesty.

            Couples must stop lying to each other because it has serious consequences. Pastor John MacArthur explains the importance of this responsibility in light of the phrase, “we are members one with another”:

We’re absolutely dependent on the honesty of our nervous system and every organ of our body. Without that honesty, we’d be dead. God has even built into us a pain system that’s honest enough to tell us when our body has a problem so that we can deal with it. This honesty allows our bodies to function.       

            Lying can destroy our marriage. Besides the lost of trust, it increases distance between partners. You see, telling the truth is hard, but it can deliver your marriage from a lot of bondage that deception brings. Remember, “The truth shall set you free” (John 8:32).  

 II         MANAGE YOUR ANGER (vs. 26-27)

            The second responsibility might come as a surprise to many because the verse is saying it is okay to be angry as long as you express it appropriately. 

            The common notion is that anger is sin. But then, you’re going to have a problem because even God gets angry sometimes.

Ephesians 5:6 (NIV)
⁶ Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient.

            If all anger is sinful, then God is wrong when He shows anger to those who are disobedient. Of course that is not true. God is angry at sin and grieves over anything that destroys the lives of people He loves so much. Therefore, it is considered good anger. The same can be said in marriage, it is good anger when it is towards wrongdoing that can threaten the sacredness and security of marriage.

            But the greatest challenge is how you are going to express it. We cannot express it in an uncontrolled, immature, and hurtful ways. We should learn how to be angry without committing any sin. How can we do that with our spouse? Pastor Chuck Swindol gave this explanation:

Appropriate expression of anger never causes fear, never belittles or intimidates, and never shuts another person down. On the other hand, we can’t become suddenly fragile, distant, or condescending to our partners when they begin to vent. A marriage of mutual respect will allow each partner enough room to express angry feelings.  

            Going back to the text, Paul added these words to show us how we should manage our anger - “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Plainly, He is instructing us to never go to bed angry. He explained that the devil will take advantage of this if we don’t resolve our anger before we go to sleep each night. The word “Foothold” can be translated territory. None of us would want the devil to begin occupying some territories in our marriages. He only has one purpose in mind that is: to destroy our marriage and ultimately destroy us. So keep short accounts. Don’t let your anger develop into deep resentments and bitterness. With God’s help, deal with them as soon as you can.

 III        MULTIPLY YOUR CONTRIBUTION (v. 28)

            Another responsibility we can find has to do with multiplying or increasing our contributions in our marriage. Reading verse 28, the apostle said - He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

            Bible commentators agree in saying that the main concern here is not necessarily robbery when he referred to “stealing.” Rather, Paul was addressing some Christians who have the tendency to be freeloaders in the church. You would find the apostle teaching consistently in the New Testament that if you are a part of a community enjoying the fruit of its labor, yet contributes nothing is stealing. To share in the community is to contribute a fair share of hard work.

2 Thessalonians 3:10-11 (NIV)
For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat."
¹¹ We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies.

1.             The same can be said of marriage. It is a community of two. Both must share time, resources, and responsibilities, even bodies to build and nurture the relationship. If the husband or wife withholds any of these things, it is stealing from his or her partner.   

            How many times have we stolen from each other by selfishly using time? Remember what we said last week – time is necessary to grow friendship in marriage. How about money? Do you know that the number one cause for divorce in the U.S. is money? Husbands or wives, your income is not only for you as an individual, it belongs to both of you. You must agree on how you have to spend your money.

I can go on and on, but the most important truth about this is the fact that both the husband and the wife must be an active contributor in the marriage. Paul said that we must be willing to work hard to be able to share something to the needs of one another. Truly, marriage demands hard work in order to thrive.

 V         MAGNIFY YOUR KINDNESS (vs. 29-32)

            Lastly, we must also exercise a lot of kindness in our marriages. Most often, when we speak of kindness, we speak in terms of being compassionate, considerate, gracious, generous, and helpful to someone else. I believe when you look at the text specifically verses 29, 31, and 32, you would find some of these ideas expressed. Let’s examine some of them:

• Kindness in words (v.29) – We need to do our best to get rid of unwholesome or rotten words; instead, we need to exchange gracious words, words which build up each other. Sometimes, couples are not careful with the way they speak to each other. We need to discipline our tongues, and avoid careless and offensive words. King Solomon warned:

Proverbs 12:18 (NIV)
¹⁸ Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

            Every time we open our mouth to our partner, it is either we build up or tear down. Verse 30 suggests, the Holy Spirit is grieved when we are not careful with our words.

• Kindness in works (v. 31) – A negative attitude towards someone can lead to these actions - bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

As Christian couples, we need to be able to deal with our personal issues properly, so we don’t develop a negative attitude towards each other. In place of this, we must find ways to be gracious to each other. To be specific, we have to exercise forgiveness. If you want to have a marriage that lasts for the long haul, or if you want to have better relationships with the people in your life, you need to learn how to forgive. Strangely enough, we are often more forgiving to other people more than our spouses or the people closest to us. This is not right! Not forgiving our spouse is like withholding forgiveness to yourself. The last phrase of verse 32 is important  - just as in Christ God forgave you.

We receive forgiveness though many times we don’t deserve it. Whenever, we have sought His forgiveness, He gives it to us graciously. I hope in our marriages, we don’t expect forgiveness even when we are not willing to repent. Forgiveness is only bestowed to those who repent:

Luke 17:3 (NIV)
³ So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.

            Take the time to reflect on your marriages. Are you nurturing your marriage properly so it will stick till death set you apart? I pray that you would be committed to each other, and to the fulfilling of all these responsibilities.  May you continue to experience the happiness that God wants to impart to you through marriage.