Psalm 42- intimacy with God and Community
1 Amens
Psalm 42
Welcome- Katie- pray…
• 1-2 Songs- Loving God, relationship with God, desiring God
Reading- Katie—psalm 42:1-5
• 1 Song- Psalm 42
Okay- here’s the thing… we sing these songs, and if we were really honest with ourselves, we don’t always mean them. At least I know I don’t always mean them. We would like to always mean them- but we don’t. Right?
Let me start today with a couple of questions…
In what ways do you feel God’s presence in your life? When have you most felt God’s presence in your life? What period of life? When least? What do you think brought those about?
Anyone ever hear this phrase: “If God feels far away, guess who moved?”
I heard that a lot growing up- And it was always thrown around to say that if God felt distant, it certainly wasn’t God’s fault- it was yours. I’m not sure that’s necessarily true… It may be that you have walked away from God, that you’ve ceased to pay attention to what He’s saying and have ceased to spend time being present to Him- and so you feel far away. But I think that sometimes, there’s something else going on…
I think we have times in our lives when we feel closer to God and when we feel farther away… and in asking why that is, we might get a lot of answers like- It depends on how good I’m doing at reading the Bible regularly, it depends on whether I’m praying, it depends on whether I’ve been doing all the things I should be doing and not doing all the things I shouldn’t be doing… but one answer we rarely hear is or rarely think of is- “It’s just a natural part of the spiritual journey we’re on.”
Look at Psalm 42 verse 1-2
This is a verse many of us have heard before. Those who grew up in the 80’s/early 90’s in evangelical churches probably sang the song that old song based on the words a million or so times. And as a kid growing up in youth group, it was presented as: we want to have that kind of raw desire for God. That’s where we’re all trying to be. Well, that’s cool… but the song, beautiful as it is, and that philosophy, as… uh… aspirational as it is, really doesn’t take into consideration the rest of the psalm and why the author felt that way. I think that to the writer, this feeling of desire for God wasn’t necessarily something pleasant. Look at VS 3-
“Where is this God of yours?” Why wasn’t this person “feeling” God- why did they desire Him so much? Because it seemed as though God was absent- so much so that even others noticed it. So yeah- it makes a nice song… but not so much if you take it in context-
God- I’m hungry for You… because it seems as though You’re not here.
God- I desire You- because You seem so distant…
Not too many songs like that, are there…?
Let me tell you something revolutionary I have learned- especially in reading Psalms like this one. We all have ups and downs.
Pretty revolutionary thinking, eh?
We all have ups and downs and that applies even to our relationship with God, as well as our relationships with each other.
And I think for many of us the problem is that we don’t so much want God as we want to want God. Make sense? Some of us beat ourselves up over our lack of desire for God. We often have this inherent sense that the ideal state is that spiritually speaking I should be firing on all four cylinders all the time- that when I’m going through a dry period, or a down time, or when God feels far away, it’s because I did something or because I failed to do something, and it needs to be fixed as soon as possible. And I’m telling you, that may be so, but it’s entirely possible that the problem isn’t with what you are doing or are not doing. The problem may be with your expectations.
I think that what romantic movies have done to our romantic relationships- filled our heads with unrealistic expectations- modern Christianity has done to our relationship with God. And in the same way that unrealistic expectations lead to frustration, dismay, doubt, etc in our romantic relationships, they lead to the same things in our relationship with God.
And I know that this happens- look, the grandparents who raised me didn’t have a great marriage by any means. They weren’t expressive, they often didn’t get along. So… I had no legitimate reasons for unrealistic expectations… and to be honest, I actually thought I didn’t have them. But then I got married, and while I think our marriage is wonderful, it never has and maybe never will match the picture I had in my head. Why?- because life is different in real time than it is on paper or in our heads. Right? Marriage isn’t necessarily less fulfilling than we think- it’s just different.
And the same is true of our relationships here in this community and our relationships with God.
This morning I want us to think about those two things- our relationship with each other and our relationship with God. I think it would be helpful for us to ask what our expectations are- are they high enough, too high… are they even reasonable? -
We’ll talk about relationships with each other in a minute, but first …
BREAK-Activity (do each one individually)
What I need from community/ What I offer to community/ What the community has or is able to do because of my presence that might be missing without me.
It’s good to think about our relationship with God- to ask ourselves- and Him- how it’s going. The same thing holds true with our relationships with each other.
Look at VS 4
Not only was the writer of this psalm feeling disconnected from God, he was also feeling disconnected from community- he remembers the good old days- how it used to be….
So let me ask you…
When have you most felt connected/in community?
When least?
What do you think brought those about?
This author I read last year, Joseph Myers, says that there are four distinct spaces in we belong to each other and know each other- and they are all good. They each have a place in our lives.
Public space- public space is-
Social space- social space is…
Personal space- personal space…
Intimate space- intimate space is…
The problem is, we tend to see those four things, public, social, personal and intimate as linear, as a progression, and the unspoken goal (especially in church at times) is that we will progress through the spaces until we hit the goal, the mother lode- intimacy.
Let me let a lot of you off the hook. I don’t want each one of you to be intimate with every other one of you. I don’t want the goal of home groups, and guys night and gals night to be “intimacy.” I don’t want to be intimate with all of you- that’s way too much intimacy! And besides, it’s practically impossible. I have an intimate relationship with my wife and a couple of close guy friends (and believe me, those relationships look very different!) and that’s really all I’m looking for. When it comes to intimacy, my dance card is full.
What we should be looking for is healthy community- good, strong relationships in all four social spaces. Healthy people have more public relationships than social ones, more social relationships than personal ones, More personal ones than intimate… and just a small number of intimate ones. I think it’s true that trying to have too many “intimate” relationships is just as unhealthy as having too few. If everybody knows your junk, that’s just as bad as nobody knowing- it’s unbalanced.
And even when we do find those one or two or three significant, intimate relationships, the goal isn’t constant intimacy because that’s impossible.
A realistic view of relationships would tell us that. I don’t care how much of a soul mate you feel the person you are now dating is… at some point you will look at them and wonder who the heck they are and what the heck they are thinking. If you are married, you can try to maintain 100% intimacy all the time. Good luck- tell me how that goes. It just doesn’t work that way- We have ups and downs. Sometimes we’re closer, and sometimes we’re farther away. But when we forget that, we get into trouble because when the times of less intimacy come, we assume something must be broken, rather than just seeing the normal wax and wane of relationships.
The good thing about our few intimate relationships is that if we are paying attention, we have built-in intimacy reminders- here comes Valentine’s day- here’s the anniversary of a significant date, here’s a birthday- reminders again to reconnect- to tend the relationship.
And you know what- everything that’s true of our relationship with others is true of our relationship with God. You will go through times when you do not feel close to God, but the good news is, you can and will again.
Look at VS 5-6
Why get down about the fact that God feels far away at this moment. Not only do I remember all He has done for me in the past, but I know, I know that this is a temporary thing. I will praise Him again. Who knows what a “mountain top experience” is? I was always told they were bad- the goal was to stay on the mountain… but that’s impossible. Maybe instead- we should remember the mountain, those times of intimacy, and take them as a guarantee that the relationship is real, and look forward to the next one with anticipation and longing.
VS 7
Who has a different translation here?
I like that much better- “Deep calls to deep”. The depth of my need calls to the depth of your love, God- and vice versa.
VS 8
You would think that someone who knows God loves him, who spent each night praying and singing to God would feel close to Him, wouldn’t you? Maybe, but not necessarily.
VS 9-11
But again- here is that sure knowledge that yes- this is a down time. But it’s not how it will be forever. I know that the work of building a relationship with God, of seeking Him and knowing Him is a life-long work. I know that’s true of my relationship with my wife, with the men I call friends- why would it be any different with God?
Here’s what I hope happens today- I think it would be great if today our ideas of what our relationships with God and others could be were raised… and the pressure we feel to make it like that all the time would be lowered. Maybe here we can have really good social and personal relationships… and maybe here we can make a friend or two that will last us the rest of our lives. And maybe here, together, we can navigate the ups and downs, the high times and the low times of pursuing a relationship with God. I know I feel a lot better about the dry times in my life, not just knowing that it’s a phase, and better times with God will come… but knowing that I have some people to walk through that dry time with me- who won’t judge me for it, but understand it, and will do whatever it takes to help me through it.
Read MoreWelcome- Katie- pray…
• 1-2 Songs- Loving God, relationship with God, desiring God
Reading- Katie—psalm 42:1-5
• 1 Song- Psalm 42
Okay- here’s the thing… we sing these songs, and if we were really honest with ourselves, we don’t always mean them. At least I know I don’t always mean them. We would like to always mean them- but we don’t. Right?
Let me start today with a couple of questions…
In what ways do you feel God’s presence in your life? When have you most felt God’s presence in your life? What period of life? When least? What do you think brought those about?
Anyone ever hear this phrase: “If God feels far away, guess who moved?”
I heard that a lot growing up- And it was always thrown around to say that if God felt distant, it certainly wasn’t God’s fault- it was yours. I’m not sure that’s necessarily true… It may be that you have walked away from God, that you’ve ceased to pay attention to what He’s saying and have ceased to spend time being present to Him- and so you feel far away. But I think that sometimes, there’s something else going on…
I think we have times in our lives when we feel closer to God and when we feel farther away… and in asking why that is, we might get a lot of answers like- It depends on how good I’m doing at reading the Bible regularly, it depends on whether I’m praying, it depends on whether I’ve been doing all the things I should be doing and not doing all the things I shouldn’t be doing… but one answer we rarely hear is or rarely think of is- “It’s just a natural part of the spiritual journey we’re on.”
Look at Psalm 42 verse 1-2
This is a verse many of us have heard before. Those who grew up in the 80’s/early 90’s in evangelical churches probably sang the song that old song based on the words a million or so times. And as a kid growing up in youth group, it was presented as: we want to have that kind of raw desire for God. That’s where we’re all trying to be. Well, that’s cool… but the song, beautiful as it is, and that philosophy, as… uh… aspirational as it is, really doesn’t take into consideration the rest of the psalm and why the author felt that way. I think that to the writer, this feeling of desire for God wasn’t necessarily something pleasant. Look at VS 3-
“Where is this God of yours?” Why wasn’t this person “feeling” God- why did they desire Him so much? Because it seemed as though God was absent- so much so that even others noticed it. So yeah- it makes a nice song… but not so much if you take it in context-
God- I’m hungry for You… because it seems as though You’re not here.
God- I desire You- because You seem so distant…
Not too many songs like that, are there…?
Let me tell you something revolutionary I have learned- especially in reading Psalms like this one. We all have ups and downs.
Pretty revolutionary thinking, eh?
We all have ups and downs and that applies even to our relationship with God, as well as our relationships with each other.
And I think for many of us the problem is that we don’t so much want God as we want to want God. Make sense? Some of us beat ourselves up over our lack of desire for God. We often have this inherent sense that the ideal state is that spiritually speaking I should be firing on all four cylinders all the time- that when I’m going through a dry period, or a down time, or when God feels far away, it’s because I did something or because I failed to do something, and it needs to be fixed as soon as possible. And I’m telling you, that may be so, but it’s entirely possible that the problem isn’t with what you are doing or are not doing. The problem may be with your expectations.
I think that what romantic movies have done to our romantic relationships- filled our heads with unrealistic expectations- modern Christianity has done to our relationship with God. And in the same way that unrealistic expectations lead to frustration, dismay, doubt, etc in our romantic relationships, they lead to the same things in our relationship with God.
And I know that this happens- look, the grandparents who raised me didn’t have a great marriage by any means. They weren’t expressive, they often didn’t get along. So… I had no legitimate reasons for unrealistic expectations… and to be honest, I actually thought I didn’t have them. But then I got married, and while I think our marriage is wonderful, it never has and maybe never will match the picture I had in my head. Why?- because life is different in real time than it is on paper or in our heads. Right? Marriage isn’t necessarily less fulfilling than we think- it’s just different.
And the same is true of our relationships here in this community and our relationships with God.
This morning I want us to think about those two things- our relationship with each other and our relationship with God. I think it would be helpful for us to ask what our expectations are- are they high enough, too high… are they even reasonable? -
We’ll talk about relationships with each other in a minute, but first …
BREAK-Activity (do each one individually)
What I need from community/ What I offer to community/ What the community has or is able to do because of my presence that might be missing without me.
It’s good to think about our relationship with God- to ask ourselves- and Him- how it’s going. The same thing holds true with our relationships with each other.
Look at VS 4
Not only was the writer of this psalm feeling disconnected from God, he was also feeling disconnected from community- he remembers the good old days- how it used to be….
So let me ask you…
When have you most felt connected/in community?
When least?
What do you think brought those about?
This author I read last year, Joseph Myers, says that there are four distinct spaces in we belong to each other and know each other- and they are all good. They each have a place in our lives.
Public space- public space is-
Social space- social space is…
Personal space- personal space…
Intimate space- intimate space is…
The problem is, we tend to see those four things, public, social, personal and intimate as linear, as a progression, and the unspoken goal (especially in church at times) is that we will progress through the spaces until we hit the goal, the mother lode- intimacy.
Let me let a lot of you off the hook. I don’t want each one of you to be intimate with every other one of you. I don’t want the goal of home groups, and guys night and gals night to be “intimacy.” I don’t want to be intimate with all of you- that’s way too much intimacy! And besides, it’s practically impossible. I have an intimate relationship with my wife and a couple of close guy friends (and believe me, those relationships look very different!) and that’s really all I’m looking for. When it comes to intimacy, my dance card is full.
What we should be looking for is healthy community- good, strong relationships in all four social spaces. Healthy people have more public relationships than social ones, more social relationships than personal ones, More personal ones than intimate… and just a small number of intimate ones. I think it’s true that trying to have too many “intimate” relationships is just as unhealthy as having too few. If everybody knows your junk, that’s just as bad as nobody knowing- it’s unbalanced.
And even when we do find those one or two or three significant, intimate relationships, the goal isn’t constant intimacy because that’s impossible.
A realistic view of relationships would tell us that. I don’t care how much of a soul mate you feel the person you are now dating is… at some point you will look at them and wonder who the heck they are and what the heck they are thinking. If you are married, you can try to maintain 100% intimacy all the time. Good luck- tell me how that goes. It just doesn’t work that way- We have ups and downs. Sometimes we’re closer, and sometimes we’re farther away. But when we forget that, we get into trouble because when the times of less intimacy come, we assume something must be broken, rather than just seeing the normal wax and wane of relationships.
The good thing about our few intimate relationships is that if we are paying attention, we have built-in intimacy reminders- here comes Valentine’s day- here’s the anniversary of a significant date, here’s a birthday- reminders again to reconnect- to tend the relationship.
And you know what- everything that’s true of our relationship with others is true of our relationship with God. You will go through times when you do not feel close to God, but the good news is, you can and will again.
Look at VS 5-6
Why get down about the fact that God feels far away at this moment. Not only do I remember all He has done for me in the past, but I know, I know that this is a temporary thing. I will praise Him again. Who knows what a “mountain top experience” is? I was always told they were bad- the goal was to stay on the mountain… but that’s impossible. Maybe instead- we should remember the mountain, those times of intimacy, and take them as a guarantee that the relationship is real, and look forward to the next one with anticipation and longing.
VS 7
Who has a different translation here?
I like that much better- “Deep calls to deep”. The depth of my need calls to the depth of your love, God- and vice versa.
VS 8
You would think that someone who knows God loves him, who spent each night praying and singing to God would feel close to Him, wouldn’t you? Maybe, but not necessarily.
VS 9-11
But again- here is that sure knowledge that yes- this is a down time. But it’s not how it will be forever. I know that the work of building a relationship with God, of seeking Him and knowing Him is a life-long work. I know that’s true of my relationship with my wife, with the men I call friends- why would it be any different with God?
Here’s what I hope happens today- I think it would be great if today our ideas of what our relationships with God and others could be were raised… and the pressure we feel to make it like that all the time would be lowered. Maybe here we can have really good social and personal relationships… and maybe here we can make a friend or two that will last us the rest of our lives. And maybe here, together, we can navigate the ups and downs, the high times and the low times of pursuing a relationship with God. I know I feel a lot better about the dry times in my life, not just knowing that it’s a phase, and better times with God will come… but knowing that I have some people to walk through that dry time with me- who won’t judge me for it, but understand it, and will do whatever it takes to help me through it.
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