Sermon Cloud

Intro: When I told Amy the title of this sermon – she said, “I hope you mean dating their wives.”  I do.  Let’s pray.

It was a windy day on the beach – and other than a nearby hotel security guard – we were alone.  I got down on one knee with a ring box in one hand and my Bible in the other.  I opened my Bible to Ephesians 5:25-33 and read: (read passage). 

After reading it, I opened up a ring box and asked Amy Hathaway, “Will you marry me?”

Why did I read this passage when asking Amy THE question?  I knew this passage explained the kind of husband I needed to be to my wife.  And I felt that our marriage should begin with such words of declaration by me.  I cannot say these words have always been carried out properly by me.  But I strive to honor God by honoring my wife in obeying this passage.  In it, Paul tells us how Christ’s relationship and sacrificial love for the church should lead husbands on how to relate and sacrificially love our wives.

Proposition:  All husbands know they are supposed to love their wives.  But in this passage God tells us what it really means to love our wives and just how to do that.

Husbands, if you have never taken notes before – this is the week to do it!

Some of you, “I love my wife.”  I know you do.  But do you love her the way Christ loves the church?  All of us need work on that.  Here’s how:

I.                Love your wife sacrificially. (25-26a)

Paul says something point blank: Husbands, love your wives.  Ok, what does that mean?  He says love your wife just as Christ loved the church.  Ok, still don’t know what that means.  How has Christ loved the church?  By giving His very life for Her – in other words – sacrificially.  In fact, we do not understand love unless we understand it as sacrifice.

 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  1 John 4:10

We live in a world where love is simply defined as an emotion.

“What’s love got to do with it?  What’s love but a second hand emotion?” – Tina Turner

I know personally in my own family as I’m sure you do many men who have divorced their wives, because they don’t feel love toward them.

But how does the Bible define love?  Not as a feeling, but an action – an action of sacrifice.  True love is an action of laying down one’s life for another.

What happened on that cross?  God as man looked upon countless people who felt no love or desire for Him.  And what did He do?  Did He shun them?  Did He run from them?   Did He leave them?  No – He loved them.  He loved them so much that He gave His very life for them – for us that we may have life.

How does a husband love his life sacrificially?  Well Paul said in verse 26 that Jesus’ sacrificial love sanctifies us – it sets us a part.  You have to sacrificially love your wife in a way that will show to her and to the world that she is set a part.

How do you show your wife and the world that she is set a part?  (Note to women – you might want to start amening here so your husbands know this isn’t just me talking.)

1. He determines to be a one woman man – no matter what!

I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a young woman. Job 31:1

Job was not married to the greatest wife.  Ex. Klondike bar commercial

Semper Fidelis – Always faithful.

2. He learns her love language(s).

5 Love languages.  Find out your wife’s top 1 or 2.  And then do them!

No fun- remember sacrificial love is what we are talking about.

3. He seeks to understand her daily.

“Any man who think he understand a woman is one.”  You will never fully understand, but you should seek to understand.  Same thing with God.  God wants you to constantly seek to know Him fully – and so does your wife.

Read the book/cd: For Men Only: a straightforward guide to the inner lives of women.

Ex. Pop-ups.  Needs to deal with to close.  Like gun at Matt’s house with Abigail there.  Couldn’t enjoy movie.

“That sounds like a lot of work.”  Yep – sacrificial love.

19 Husbands, love your wives …. 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.  Colossians 3:19,23

II.             Love your wife spiritually. (26b-27)

Paul says that Christ shows his love to us by sanctifying us or purifying us.  How does Christ do that?  By washing or cleansing us with His word – the word of God.  He gives us the word to transform us into people who are presentable, clean, righteous, holy, blameless, and glorious.

Ex. Weddings are filled with symbols.  One of the ones we don’t always think about is when the father presents his daughter to the groom.  The father walks her down the aisle and tells the husband and the world – I give her to you.  That represents more than you realize.  That symbolizes a father who has protected his daughter and guided her to the things of God.  And now he is presenting her pure to this man.  And he hands her over and says now you must protect her and guide her to the things of God until one day she leaves your care as you present her pure into the arms of God.

Do you love your wife?  That means you take upon the role of spiritually leading her to God’s word.  You take the roll of saying that you will not only protect her, but you will help her be purified by His word.  Real love points others to Christ and holiness.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects.  1 Corinthians 13:6-7a

Most men understand protecting their wives.  I don’t know anyone who would not defend their wives from attack.  Ex. H.S. Slammed guy in lockers for bothering her.

When is the last time you slammed Satan into a locker by protecting your wife spiritually?

Ex. Upham.  Saving Private Ryan.  Legs shaking on stairs while friend being killed.  Too many men think they are General MacArthur when they are really Private Upham.

Our passage doesn’t explicitly mention it, but leading your wife spiritually also means leading her in prayer.  Divorce rate for couples that pray together daily is around 2%.  Amy and I pray together every night.  It is probably the best thing we do as a couple.  It’s not hard – it’s just a habit.  Try it for 21 days.  Get a sheet and check it off. 

Chapters 5 and 6 of Point Man cover these two areas extensively of why and how a man can lead his wife in prayer and the Word.  Read it!

III.           Love your wife seriously – as your self. (28-33)

The church is the one flesh body of Christ.  It’s a mystery.  But similarly, your wife is one flesh with you.  Therefore if you love your self –as we all do – then you should love your wife.  You should treat your spouse the way you treat your body.

Right now all the women are saying, “Uh oh, my husband is fat, bald, and out of shape.  If he treats me like his body then I’m in trouble.”

Well when Paul wrote this most guys were in shapeJ  Besides he tells us what he means by loving her as you love your self.  He says husbands you got to cherish her and nourish her like you do your own body.

Ex. It has been hot.  I’m in constant cool mode.  Going from one A/C to the next.  Always thinking about my next move.  I cherish my body.

We already talked about nourishing your wife by leading her to the food of the word.  So let’s talk about what it means to cherish your wife.  (Note to women – amen time)

1. Cherishing your wife means being intentional.

Ex. Abigail born.  Works done.  Intentionally pay attention and raise her.  It’s work.  Be intentional about cherishing your wife.  Can’t rest on the past.

Ex. Why buy flowers?  They will die and you have to keep getting more.  Exactly.

2. Cherishing your wife means listening to her and not reacting to her.

Most men listen to fix.  Your wives want you to listen in a way that shows you care how she feels.  Ex. Frustrations at bank.  Why are you telling me if you don’t want ideas?

“When she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be heard are much more important than the problem itself.” – Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn

3. Cherishing her means reassuring her.

Survey of wives: 4 out of 5 women at times feel insecure about their husband’s love and relationship.  Among women under 45: 91%!

That means you need to not only determine to be a one woman man but you also need to daily let her know that she is the only one for you.

How? 1. In the face of insecurity, reassure her.  2. Always pursue her till death.

Ex. Abigail’s favorite movie in Enchanted and loves the song: How Does She Know?

Scene with older men sitting across from older women.

Well does he leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind?
Send you yellow flowers when the sky is grey? Heyy!
He'll find a new way to show you, a little bit everyday
That's how you know, that's how you know!

Real love is an action that you will do every day till death do you part.

Conclusion: The result from all this Paul tells us is that your wife will respect you.  Survey: What’s the most important thing you wish your husband knew, but feel you haven’t been able to explain in a way he understands?  Of all the possible answers – the number one response was: You are my hero! 

My favorite shirt ever was when Amy bought Abigail a shirt that says: He’s not just my daddy – he’s my hero.  Kids – say that to you dads today.  Wives, tell your husbands today with a big kiss: you are my hero.  And Men – be their hero by living out what it really means to love your wife.