Sermon Cloud

Introductions

As you know we’ve been discussing the Value of Fathers in our lives and how we as men all have a responsibility to be a Father for somebody. I’ve shared some stories of how I’ve fathered young men who’ve been a part of my life at one time or another.

We’ve also discussed the wounding that our fathers can cause, often unsuspectingly, and the healing that can be found in our face to face encounters with the Father of Fathers, God!

Today, we’ll finish up our series on Fathering – Hurt Fathers Hurt?

 Question: Why do fathers hurt those they are called to love?

 Question: How do our father wounds affect our lifes today, right now?

Some of you are probably saying, the past is in the past. It doesn’t affect me now at all… You may be right, but what if you’re wrong…What if you are oblivious to your father wounds and the affects of these wounds on you and others.

I didn’t even consider the fact that I might actually have father wounds until 10 years ago during that mens discussion group I had started at my house to try and help some of the young men I was working with become real men. And because I didn’t consider the fact that I might have been wounded by my father I failed to look for and see the impact my father wounds were having on my life and those I loved.

I have a long time friend who has volunteered to share some of his life experiences with us concerning his relationship with his father…Dave would you please come on up.

Interview Questions

Question: Dave, when you think back to your childhood relationship with your father what is one of your favorite memories?

Question: Dave, thinking back to childhood how were you wounded by your father?

Question: Dave, how do believe this wound has affected your life?

Question: Dave, how have you seen this father wounding affected your relationship with your children, wife and/or others?

If you still don’t believe that we are influenced in negative ways by our fathers and that these negative influences affect us even as adults. I’ll recount one of my own personal wounds and it’s impact on my life.

Rob’s ROTC Story, “You’ll Never Be A Leader.” I was about 20 years old…and had done poorly at Towson State University because I was playing pool instead of going to class. During that time I was in Army ROTC at Loyola College and was on track to be commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant. Because I did poorly I had decided to drop out of ROTC. I told myself that I was a failure and wasn’t officer material. I went home to share my decision with my dad. I will never forget the scene as long as I live…we were standing in the hallway of our townhouse and I was at the base of the stairs, by the closet and front door. My dad was by the kitchen when I blurted out that I was quitting ROTC and why. Right then, my dad said the words that I remember to this day…You’ll never be a leader! Go ahead…quit! Real leaders never quit! Those words continue to influence my emotional state, thinking and actions to this day.

Thom Gardner calls moments like these Echo’s of the past

Illustration: Chalkboard Screech in school. Most of us remember hearing that sound back in elementary school…and most of us didn’t like it. Many of you can recall 911, where you were, who you were with, what you were doing…even the emotions that you were feeling. We encounter an emotional echo when an experience today reflects off of one that we’ve felt in the past. In other words, I feel now whatever I felt then. These emotions brought about by echoes of the past control us even Like those words… ”You’ll never be a leader.” When I feel like I’m failing today, just like I did at Towson, the memory of that moment in the hallway with my father and those words cause me to feel anxious…afraid…unsure…out of control…even depressed!

 Question: Do you have any memories that haunt and control you?

Word

The Scripture talks about the power of the words…James 3:3-10

 Question: If words have the kind of power that James is talking about to destroy or lift up, what kind of power do evil acts have to do harm?

Sister Mary Genevevie’s Story…

Brennan Manning recalls an encounter he had with a Nun at a spiritual retreat in the Mid-west. After every nights service Brennan would invite people to meet with him personally for healing prayer. One night the line for healing prayer was so long that Brennan didn’t finish until past midnight. Afterwards he went straight to bed. At 3:00 in the morning there was a knock on the door and a squeaky little voice said, “Brennan can I talk to you?” He opened the door and found a 78 year old Nun standing there crying. Brennan asked what he could do to help and they sat in two chairs in the hallway. The nun recounted her memories of her dad. (See pp. 45, 46 of “The Furious Longing of God,” by Brennan Manning)

Most likely, Sister Mary Genevieve’s father was abused as a child…and therefore began to abuse his little girl. That’s probably one of the major reasons she became a Nun in a sense to escape from the abuse, pain, men and the memories of her past.

 Question: Anyone in here ever say I’ll never do what my dad did?

 Answer: The odds are that you will…unless you deal with the issue…it will be your issue! It may not look the same, but the issue will surface. Your fathers hurt will become your hurt and you will pass on that hurt to others.

My dad’s brokenness…(Revealed during an encounter with God)

Abandoned…never knew his dad…if you think that doesn’t haunt you your whole life…at 50 my dad tracked down his father and called him.

As a child my father felt helpless…a child, looking out for 2 younger brothers and mom being abused by their father. My father was driven, verbally abusive, often seemed to have no compassion, got so consumed with whatever he was passionate about the family often took back seat. His expectations were impossible to meet.

Now I Hurt others just like my father hurt me…

 I can drive people to hard.

 I can appear to have no compassion.

 I can give my critical analysis, and destroy someones zeal, passion, joy.

 I can impose my impossible expectation on others and cause them to shut down.

Challenge

Take the time this week to reflect on how your fathers hurt, his wound, his struggles have influenced you…

Ask the hard questions:

 Question: Think about your father for a second, if you knew him or know him, what were the so called demons that posses him?

 Question: How do those demons appear, show up, in your own life?

 Question: How are you hurting others because of your unresolved hurt?

Do what Sister Mary Genevieve did…bring it to God your Father…risk asking him to help you work through, to process your emotional pain.

Do what I did…ask God to help you see your father’s brokenness, not just the outward evidence of his hurt. Instead, ask God to help you understand why your father may have hurt you like he did.

Then, you just might find the healing that you desperately need…and just maybe, you might be able to forgive your father like Sister Genevieve and I did…freedom is possible! You don’t have to hurt like your father hurt. Jesus himself said, “I have come to set the captives free!”