Sermon Cloud

June 21, 2009

1 Tim 3:1-7 “pastors and husbands”

1 The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. 2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, 5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. 7 Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.

Pastor of church = Pastor of home

            We talk a fair amount here about how the family is the church in miniature.  That’s not original to us, but we’ve jumped on to it.  You could also say that the church is the super-sized version of the family.  It’s this overlap that allows me to take a passage that is talking about qualifications of being an elder and use it to talk some about that, but mostly about what it means to be a pastor of a house.  In other words, I want to help men be men today.  Women, I want you to know what we are shooting for.  What we need to get there.  And this isn’t only for men that are married.  Single men should be just as devoted to growing in maturity to act and think like Jesus and to lead whatever people they are around in this same effort. 

            Do you see it in this text?  Look at verse 5.  If you want to be an elder/pastor for a church, then how you have led your home will be one of the primary evaluative tools.  Why is it important for a pastor to lead his own home well and for his character to be mature and growing?  Because it’s important for all men (and women) that look to him to do the same.  They’ll struggle and lose focus, but they’ll be moving together in a Godward direction. 

Snapshot

            OK, we see the parallel, but where does this text take us in terms of getting a good look at a pastor of a home and maybe a church, too? 

1.  Above reproach.  When his name comes up in different circles, people speak well of him.  He isn’t the guy that his banker or neighbors know is shady.

2.  One woman man.  If you have a wife, this is a call to love her and not seek affirmation or any sort of gratification from other women.  If you don’t have a wife, you are waiting for her and not cheaply giving yourself away for any half-way decent relationship.

3.  Sober-minded, self-controlled.  To lead a house, you may have a playful personality, but there is some gravity to your life, too.  There is discipline to keep Jesus at the center and not just to pursue whatever temporary passions seem appealing at the time.

4.  Respectable.  Do people that know him best think well of him or is he one of those people that you want more distance from the better you know them?

5.  Hospitable.   Do you invite people outside of your immediate circle into your life and into your home?  One of the best ways to lead your family on mission (yes, just like a pastor leads a church on mission) is to include non-believers in your life at your home or whatever activities you guys tend to do. 

6. able to teach. OK, you don’t have to have oration skills to be a leader in your home.  That’s what a pastor of a church needs to do.  But you do need to be able and willing to teach your 3 year old!  You can do that.

7. not a drunkard.  This isn’t a prohibition from drinking alcohol, but a call to flee from addictive over-the-top behaviors.  People might think the drunk guy is funny, but no one respects him.  And guys, you know that deep down, you want respect maybe like oxygen.

8. not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome.  You aren’t about to detonate at any given time.  You aren’t at the center of never ending conflict in several different circles.  Now I like to see a little UFC tenacity in a guy, but I don’t think that God is looking to encourage the guy that is just looking for trouble that he’s on a good path.  Catch what this is getting at?

9.  not a lover of money.  Men, this is going to be an issue and not just because you want to accumulate toys.  If it is true, that respect is one of our deepest desires/needs, you’ll be very tempted to pursue respect through money and the power it represents.  This isn’t how you lead your family/friend to Jesus.

10. he must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive.  We’ve hit this.  Lead your home, men.  Don’t let your kid run all over you.  I can promise you that one of my kids that shall remain nameless would run our house right now if he could take me!   Other passages talk about being gentle and kind with your kids and making sure you aren’t overbearing.  Firmness, gentleness…like Jesus.

The main point

            Obviously, I am focusing on what it looks like for a man to lead well with an emphasis on the small unit, the home.  We could just as easily have briefly mentioned the small and moved to the large and call out some guys that need to be elders to pursue that.  But that’s not what we are doing this morning.

            One thing we say here at Redeemer is that if someone really is an elder, then there will be people already following them on mission.  I have seen lots of people that think of themselves as leaders, but they are just bossy and people don’t really like them and won’t follow them.  Could that be happening at home? 

1. Daddies.  You are here, so you are at least generally pointing your kids to Jesus.  That’s good.  Is Jesus important enough that you talk about Him with your kids and in front of your kids?  Or do you just talk about church?  It’s sorta different!  Do you look for open windows to their soul to talk with them, to cultivate them?  Are these marks of character we talked about a few minutes ago validating those words?  Ask yourself if your children are following you or if they resent you.  Have you pushed so hard and been so harsh that they now distance from you?  Have you been such “weaksauce” (Amanda Kowal coined this!) that they know you are weak or emotionally absent and they know that a pursuit of Jesus and the growth that comes from Him really aren’t a part of your life?  You’ll see these things the most clearly as your kids age.  Please hear me.  Some of you are going to have children that don’t want to follow Jesus as adults.  Here is the issue:  Did they walk away despite your strong, patient leadership or because of your combustibility or emotional (or physical) absence?  And younger kids, don’t use the weaknesses of your parents as excuses for your own rebellion!

2. Married guys.  See where this is going? Does your character validate what kinds of words you say?  Does your wife look at what your actions dictate and want to go where you are going? Or does she resent you with a smile?  Is she following?  My experience is that the vast majority of the time, a Christian woman will follow you on mission and pursuit of Jesus.  However, just like with children that grow up with their own issues, some wives won’t follow even the best leadership.  Her response isn’t your responsibility.  Your leadership is.  Are you following Jesus and being changed to reflect the things we just talked about?  If not, your wife will grow despite you and won’t be helped by you.

3.  Single guys.  You have roommates.  Classmates.  People you work with.  You may have people that report to you.  Where are you taking them?  What are you showing is really important in life?  Are you on one of those “roads to nowhere?”  Are you half-hearted in your consistency in corporate worship and missional living?  Are you generally choosing the path of least resistance?  Are you so focused on your career that people might think its your real love? Are you so combustible that people are afraid to tell you what they really think? God put you there to lead other people to Jesus (which is where you are going, right?).

            One more thing.  My gosh fellas, we have spiritual, hot chicks everywhere in this place and some of you haven’t asked anyone out in a year.  What’s wrong with you, man?  If you are this passive now, how could you possibly lead on these strong Godly gals?  Take initiative and you’ll be forming the kind of character to lead her someday in a more profound way. Or will you just be pulled in by the first short skirt that wants some attention?  Is that how you want it to be?  If you really are going after Jesus, you won’t have to have conversations like I’ve had way too many times over the years.  Me: “Hey, so you guys are dating.  Does she love Jesus?”  Him: “Well, um, yeah I think so.  I mean we haven’t talked about it, but yeah, I mean, yeah she goes to First Baptist, I think.”  Ok, I can see your mutual passions for Jesus were clearly a big part in your dating criteria! 

            All of this together reminds us to lead in a way where we are easy to follow.  If we are jerks, people will run away.  If we are passive, people will be not compelled or captivated to follow.  Are you leading whoever you are around on a pursuit of Jesus and the transformed life/character that He brings?

This is not real good news

            Here we are, like we were in May on Mother’s Day.  Proverbs 31 laid out the standard just like 1 Tim 3 has for men.  Simply:  Men, follow Jesus and live out the transformation that is underway.  But if you are like me, you see lots of failure.  You may see a resistant wife and/or kids.  You may see unimpressed, underwhelmed friends.  You may recognize plenty of spiritual apathy.  You may see lots of character traits mentioned earlier that have a long way to go.  Good. 

            Its not just your life that’s at stake if we will or won’t follow Jesus, but those around us that we love the most.  For the glory of Jesus and for our own joy in following Him and for the joy of those that are closest to us, will we be men?  Will we look to Jesus that loved us exactly this way?  He served us, led courageously, obeyed the Father, and died on the cross and was resurrected from the dead.  Will you take your imperfect track record and with all of your past successes and failures and approach the cross?  Will you make Christlikeness your aim…your relentless pursuit of knowing Him and the power of His resurrection?  I don’t want to discourage, but let’s set the bar this high and pursue it.