A Swift Kick in the...
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Life with Eeyore: How to Live with Negative People Introduction: I don’t care who you are, how much you pray and fast, how often you read your bible or how clearly you hear the voice of God because there’s going to come a time when your life with Eeyore is going to become even more difficult than it currently is and what you’ll want to do is give him a swift kick in the…rear end…in Jesus name, of course. Body: Quote: Elizabeth Baker – “Confronting anyone about the error of his ways is extremely difficult. When dealing with Eeyore, the task borders on impossible. How do you attack someone who is down and depressed without pushing him over the edge? How does one successfully encourage change in someone whose life is centered on problems about which nothing is ever done? When is confrontation worth the risk of things going wrong?” These are great questions. I’m not 100% sure there are solid hard and fast answers, but when it comes to confrontation there and many ways to do it right and lots of ways to do it wrong and bring hurt and damage to the relationship. Fortunately for us, Jesus knew that confrontation was just a part of life. He dealt with it regularly as he had to deal with the Jewish religious leaders. We deal with it too, but sometimes the way we deal with it isn’t the healthiest. [ILL: At one point during a game, the baseball coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded. “Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?” The little boy nodded. “So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you’re out at first, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?” Again the little boy nodded. “Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain it to your mother.”] Perhaps the best thing to do in talking about how to confront Eeyore is by pointing out NOT to confront. 1. Don’t Sweep It: How many times have you had problems at home, at work, at church and you didn’t say anything? You ignored it or swept it under the rug and hoped it would simply do away, right? The truth is confronting someone isn’t easy. Confrontation isn’t for cowards and it simply takes courage. I’m sure there are a number of reasons why people don’t want to confront Eeyore (or anyone else for that matter), but the primary ones are: a. Fear of disapproval, and I think we do this because we may be afraid we’re going to upset someone, they’ll be angry with us, they won’t come back to church, etc., if we say anything. We’d much rather be liked by others and be though of as nice people rather than being confrontational. I’m not real sure where we came up with the idea that being Christian was synonymous with being nice. Being a Christ-follower doesn’t necessary mean you’re always a nice guy. Now it doesn’t mean (or give you permission) to act like a jerk either. Let me say this please don’t feel that you need to be the self-appointed moral police and point out every problem or difficulty as that may not be the right thing to do either. There’s a balance here. [ILL: guy talking w/ friend, “It isn’t that I mind confrontation with my wife, but whenever I have words with her she always has paragraphs with me.”] What if the issue at hand deals with Eeyore’s sinful behavior? What if what needs to be confronted is damaging and/or harmful to that person? Now what do you do? Do you sweep it under the rug? Do you ignore it and hope it goes away? Listen, if it’s an addictive behavior pattern that is damaging their physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, or even work life then perhaps God has us there to do just that.
The problem is we’d rather sweep it under the rug and pretend the problem will go away on its own when we know deep down it probably won’t. Have you ever done this before? Sure you have, but here’s why you shouldn’t. Quote: EB - “When we cower and refuse to confront, we may have made an idol of the other person and be demonstrating that we fear human disapproval more than we fear disobeying God.” YIKES! What do you fear more? Displeasing people or disobeying God? Again, it takes courage and trust in God to confront Eeyore. “In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me” (Ps 56:11 NKJV)? Sometimes we sweep it under the rug and don’t do or say anything because we’ve made an idol out of our comfort so we allow that person to continue in sin rather than correct them. Paul urges us to action when this is the case. “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path” (Gal 6:1). How? Humbly and gently. That can make all the difference in the world. You aren’t implying that you’re perfect, but that you’re concerned about them. What if they don’t receive it? What if they tell you to mind your own business or to go to Hell? Now what? Well, you can’t push a rope, now can you? Here’s what I think it comes down to: Do you fear displeasing people or disobeying God? Another way NOT to confront Eeyore (or anyone) is: 2. Don’t Wait: Sometimes we make the mistake of just putting it off. It’s not that we’re sweeping it under the rug, but we’re just waiting for the right time. We have ever intention of saying something, but it’s just not the right time. Some times Christ-followers are really bad about over spiritualizing. We say things like this: “Well, I’m just praying about it.” “I’m praying that God will work through it.” Or something similar. Hey, I’m all for prayer and I believe you need to pray before you take that step toward confrontation, but there will probably come a time when you have to take the step. What am I saying? Just this: Stop procrastinating and waiting on God to confront Eeyore for you. Why? Because, once again, God’s probably going to use this to mature you and grow you up spiritually. When we wait to say something and allow time to pass you just might wind up in a situation where emotions get the better of you and you blow up and end up saying all sorts of things you regret. “It's smart to be patient, but it's stupid to lose your temper” (Prov. 14:29 CEV). The writer of Ecclesiastes says, “Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool” (Eccl 7:9). The longer we wait to bring the issue to light the greater the chance that our emotions are going to show and it might end up with the slamming of doors, stomping of feet, and raised voices. When you have to confront Eeyore don’t sweep it under the rug and don’t wait. You’ll make a mistake if you do. So how should we confront Eeyore when we have to? 1. Write it: You should be able to state what the issue is in, at least, three sentences. It’s like the old expression: If you can think it; ink it. Write it out. Again, I point you back to the book of Proverbs. “A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered” (Prov. 17:27). Determine ahead of time exactly what is you need to say to Eeyore. [ILL: Have you ever had a confrontation with someone that started out here and wound up over there?] Frustrating isn’t? Don’t lead with you emotions. Know what you need to say write it down. Then you’re ready to… 2. Rehearse it: Yes, go over it. Rehearse what you’re going to say then go back and edit it and do it again. This isn’t easy. The less emotion you have the greater the odds Eeyore will actually listen and not use your “unstable emotional state” as an excuse for not dealing with the issue. 3. Say it: When you have this dreaded conversation there may be knots in your stomach, but you’ll need to state three things. 1. Your love and loyalty for Eeyore: Who doesn’t want to be reminded of this? Elizabeth Baker states that sometimes Eeyore may need a fourth sentence. It goes like this, “If you don’t __________, then I’ll ____________. If you do this make sure you choose realistic options. [ILL: I’ll beat you within an inch or your life, I’ll die, I’ll make you, etc…] 4. Pray it: I told you I believe in prayer and I do. This is the most important way to maintain your cool while having to confront a negative person; bathe the situation in prayer, but don’t be afraid to act when you need to. [ILL: kindergartener, drawing funnel cloud, man in the air, Teacher: he needs to pray, doesn’t he? Student: no, he needs to run] There’s a balancing act here. Remember, it’s not up to us to change Eeyore. That’s the Holy Spirit’s job. Our task is what Paul told the Ephesians. “Instead, we will speak the truth in love…” (Eph 4:15a TNIV). We’re to love Eeyore and present the truth in a gentle and humble way so that he hears and we can rest assured that God’s Spirit is at work…even if he doesn’t do what we’ve ask him to do. ILL: Believe it or not, the way we deal with confrontation can actually be a way to bring glory to our God. “In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father” (Mt 5:16). The way in which we deal with difficult issues can either point others toward Christ or it can point others way from Christ. The choice is ours. Conclusion: If we’re going to be what calls us to be, which is a loving, caring, and spiritually mature person. Consequently, there will come a time in your life when you’ll have to confront someone perhaps even Eeyore. The problem with confrontation is there’s no way to control it. You can take all the precautions, prepare, plan, pray and so forth and follow all the directions and it can still blow up in your face. Confrontation is volatile, unpredictable, and a potential loaded minefield waiting for you to step out there. But no matter how out of control the situation seems you’ve got remember that nothing is beyond the control of Almighty God. If you aren’t confronting out of anger, the need for revenge, or some other less than godly response and your emotions are in check then you can rest assured that God will probably use it for the change he’s bringing about in your spiritual life. In fact, he just might do the same for Eeyore and you won’t have to give him a swift kick in the…well, you know. 
Read MoreMost of the Apostle Paul’s letters had elements of corrective confrontation in them. [ILL: Galatians, 1st Cor.] In fact, Paul tells Timothy this is one of the purposes of scripture. “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for showing people what is wrong in their lives, for correcting faults, and for teaching how to live right”(2 Tim 3:16 NCV).
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