Sermon Cloud

The Power of Extended Family
August 12, 2007

Why spend 10 weeks talking about marriage and family?
Nothing in life affects us more than family - nothing! If you're over 30 today, you've probably already figured that out, the folksingers had it right, the Cats in the Cradle and the silver spoon, you're turning out just like your dad. When you look in the mirror, you're starting to see the things you didn't like about your mom. If you're married and you've ever been in a fight with your spouse, you've probably heard the line that can send an argument over the top -- you're just like your dad - she might've have even called you by his name.

I'll guess that most of you here have heard the song we played just a few minutes ago, Cats in the Cradle, the sad tale of son ignored by his father, first as boy, then as a teenager, then as a young man, until time turned the tables on his old man, the son became the father, abandoning dad in his old age. The song was recorded in 1974, by folksinger Harry Chapin, and when he put the words to music just after his son was born, he was sure that it would never be a success. In fact, his wife, who had written the poem that its based upon, argued with him that the only person that would like Cats in the Cradle would be a 45-year-old men going through a midlife crisis, and 45-year-old men don't buy folk records, they buy sportscars! Needless to say, Cats in the Cradle instantly became one of the biggest folk songs of all time. It put Chapin on the map as a hit single, got him nominated for a Grammy for Best Song that year, and has made him millions since. The song has been covered by at least ten big name artists, and has been covered at your local watering hole too many times to count. Johnny Cash kept it alive during the eighties, Ugly Kid Joe taught it to my generation in the early nineties, Ricky Skaggs reintroduced it to country fans a few years later, and DMC and Sarah McLachlan turned it into a not-so-good rap song a few years ago.

Since 1974, hardly an American kid has grown up without hearing those sad lyrics, when you coming home dad, "I don't know when. We'll get together then, you know we'll have a good time then."

The song has stuck a chord with millions, not only with 45-year-old men who wish they could do life over, but with the last several generations of kids who have grown up wondering the same, "when you coming home dad?" "Where have you been mom?"
For an increasing number of children, likely a majority of kids in this country, the words of Cats in the Cradle are the norm. Its a parable of childhood today, and its still selling records.

You've probably have already heard the statistics: we live a nation of absent parents and broken families. More and more, children in this country are raising themselves.

In 2006, 1/3 of kids 17 & under live with just one parent, that number has been steadily climbing since 1974.

37% of kids born today are born outside of the security of a married family, the highest level ever reported in this country
- US Federal Forum On Child And Family Statistics

Almost 40% of kids in America do not live with their own fathers.
[US News and World Report, February 27, 1995, p.39]

And the effects are just as devastating as the old folk song predicted:
* 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.
[Center for Disease Control]
* 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
 [National Principals Association Report on High Schools]
* 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home.
 [Texas Dept. of Corrections, 1992]

More and more in our country, kids are growing up asking "when you coming home dad?" and no one is answering.

Even in two-parent households, the problem is growing, social scientists tell us that children are spending more time alone than at any time in history. The United Nations Children's fund tells us that American kids are worse off than kids in any developed country - largely because parents work more than any parents in history. We're putting career gains and financial gains ahead of our kids.

NYU Child Study Center reports that 1/3 of American grade schoolchildren are latchkey kids for some part of the week, way up from a couple generations ago.
We're better off economically, but kids spending substantial time alone each week are far more likely to struggle in school, abuse drugs and alcohol, become victims of violent crime, etc. etc.

For 30 years, the lyrics have been ringing in our ears, "When you coming home, dad? I don't know when."

But we hardly need statistics, I mean, almost all of us have had close-up experience with broken families - whether or own, or family of origin, our extended family. We know the stories, we see the pain.

As we close this series on parenting and marriage, I want to turn our focus outward, away from our own families.

Because if there is anything that's really clear from the Bible, its that God cares about broken families. If there's anything that really moves his heart, its kids without parents. If there's anything that's really plain in this book is that broken families are a big concern to God.
On the issue of the Cats in the Cradle, God has not been silent...

I. God's heart is moved by broken families

We need to take some notes this morning, so get out your big marker and do some underlining:

The story started in the Old Testament, in a time when women could barely survive without a husband, children were doomed without a father. In the ancient world to be widowed, to be orphaned meant shame, it meant poverty, it meant exclusion from much of public life. If you could scratch out a life at all, it would be at the complete mercy of other people.

And so God in his mercy, throughout Israel's history makes special provisions for broken families.

Deuternomy 10: Moses Law was great news for broken families
"For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. 18 He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing."

And then he commands his people to do the same, Deuteronomy 24:19, Moses writes
When you are harvesting in your field [leave something behind] for the alien, the fatherless and the widow. Don't go back a second time.

Still later, God even says, take what you've set aside for me as a sacrifice, and give it to the fatherless and the widow. Take your offerings, take your tithes, and use them to provide for three groups: the priests, the widows and orphans, and the aliens. (and since I'm used to teaching high schoolers, I'll make it clear that he wasn't talking about aliens from outer space, he was talking about aliens from across the border, a whole other topic for another day)
Deuteronomy 26:12

God's concern for the fatherless, the broken, the widows is so evident, that it even comes up in their worship:
Praise God, say the Psalms, "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families."
Psalm 68:5-6a

If there is anything that is clear from the Old Testament, God's heart is moved by broken families, by orphaned children, by single parents. He puts the lonely in families. And in ancient Israel, to provide for a broken family was one of the marks of true faith. God weighed a person's faith on their willingness to provide for a broken family.

It comes as no surprise that Jesus gives a special welcome to children and to broken parents.
If Jesus was sent by God, if he was indeed God in the flesh, we would expect to see him defend the fatherless and the widows. And that is exactly what he does.

II. Jesus reveals God's heart for broken families

Luke 7
Jesus went to a small town near Nazareth called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. 12 As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out-the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. 13 When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry."
    14 Then he went up and touched the bier they were carrying him on, and the bearers stood still. He said, "Young man, I say to you, get up!" 15 The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.

Throughout the gospels, Jesus reveals God's heart for broken families

It wasn't just the widows, left alone by death...Jesus showed compassion to adults living in trouble they'd created themselves.
John 8
John in his gospel tells the story of how the religious leaders brought a woman to Jesus that was caught in the act of adultery. They were ready to stone her, she was a woman with a reputation, a woman that no one could feel sorry for. And the religious leaders thought they had trapped Jesus, that as a moral teacher he would be forced to condemn her.
But, "When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." And you could hear the stones fall to the ground, and the grumbling, and the astonishment. They had never known such a man, "Neither do I condemn you," he said. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

What we read of God in the Old Testament is exactly what we see in Jesus, throughout his life Jesus revealed God's heart for broken families

At another point in his ministry...Mark tells us that
Mark 10:13-16
People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. And I've seen this depicted in pictures, Jesus looks like Santa Claus, all jolly and kind and the model children sit beside him all perfectly aligned looking straight at the camera. But we know that's not the way it was. A hot dusty day, children crowding around, babies crying, boys throwing rocks, little boys eating rocks, some probably had full diapers, and diapers didn't hold as well in those days, it was a disaster!  And so a few of the disciples, the text says, tried to put an end to it. "Get the rugrats out of here, this is Jesus Christ for crying out loud, he's not a family man, he's got people to heal!"
14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant, which means like, ‘turning tables' mad. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these (I'm sure he said it in a gravely tone). He took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

Throughout his life, Jesus was revealing God's heart for families, broken families, messed up by death and divorce, adultery and sin.
In this last week of discussing parenting, I want to turn your attention outward, because if there is anything we see clearly in the Bible it is this... God cares for broken families, Jesus revealed God's heart for children, for broken families, for broken people.

And centuries later, two millennia after Christ, it is still the mission Jesus is on, revealing God's heart, ONLY NOW, he's left it up to us.

III. Jesus' church restores family to a broken world
(puts the lonely in families)
After Jesus left the earth, one of the first things the church did, according to the book of Acts, was determine how best to care for widows. They understood their mission, bring the lonely into families.


A. The church is God's solution for broken families

And you might say, do we really have what it takes?
Yes, the church is perfectly constructed to offer hope to broken families: moms & dads, brothers & sisters, grandparents, uncles, we have the resources, we have the history, and we don't have red tape to hold us back

ILLUS: Mom with a teenage son who have only begun to visit the church are staying this week with a family from the church, because they've lost their home.

ILLUS: Morgan family: have four kids, they felt a prompting that they believed was from God to adopt children
-    like everyone else, they wondered, could I love an adopted child as much?
-    But after hearing a message like this at another church, they began saying yes to God
-    They've begun to feel the love in their hearts increase, understanding God's love for children, for us in a new way
-    Addictive, because they haven't been able to stop helping; now single moms

God uses ordinary people to turn kids lives around:

A researcher, Emmy Davis, Univ. of California, since 1955, has been studying a small group of impoverished Hawaiians, 500 people living in poverty, throughout their lives. Emmy Werner's findings were including in a compendium of "Landmark Studies of the 20th century". Her "landmark finding: the strongest indicator of "resilence" (likelihood of at-risk kids to grow up to lead healthy, happy lives) was the presence of one adult mentor outside the immediate family: a grandmother, minister, etc. who gave them a sense of being valued and important.

Another study, children from divorced families: research has indicated that those children of divorce who have close contact with a grandparent perform significantly higher academically.

God uses ordinary people to turn the fate of kids around

That's great news if you're a single parent here today, because we have what it takes to make up the difference...

But all of this hinges on what? It takes healthy, stable families who will say yes (healthy singles, healthy empty-nesters)
B. The church is God's mission field for healthy families (individuals)
For Christians, this isn't really optional. Its part of who we are.

God has called you to this place to make a difference for someone else.

I know many Christian families who are content to bring their kids to church, content to read their kids Bible stories, but unless your OWN children see you take up Jesus' mission, they'll never really know what it is to follow Jesus.

Part of the reason I know my parent's faith was the real deal:
ILLUS: parents adopting pregnant teen, parents taking other people in
ILLUS: took us to worship and pray for teens at a juvenile detention center
ILLUS: Matt adopted

Your kids will know that your faith is real as you open your heart and home to other families, kids who are not your own.

Let's not just talk about it, let's do it

Our Strategies
1) Join a home group with other parents - we're making room for broken families. Introduce Dykstra's, Crossman's, Morgans, Kuritars

2) We're changing everything with youth ministry this year. Why? Because we believe that teenagers don't really need Christian entertainment, they don't need time more time to hang out just with their peers. What they need are strong parents to show them how to follow Jesus.

Help us launch the Family Room this fall - we're starting a new youth group program that includes parents of teens in the church, and we're doing it because many of the kids in our youth group don't have two parents involved in their lives.

3) We're looking for some older volunteers to mentor our middle schoolers on Sundays. Do you know that half of the middle schoolers in our class last year were coming to church without a dad? Half!

Do you want to take this message seriously today?

4) Start serving in kids church - kids that aren't your own, giving them mentoring from an early age

5) Single Mom's Servefest

6) Adopt a School/Neighborhood

7) Labor Day Picnic, sign up in the foyer to meet other families living in our neighborhood